Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
