Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
