You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
