I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
