You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
