your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
