Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
