Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
