he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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