soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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