i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
