Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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