I think I am morally bankrupt
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize