my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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