i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
