remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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