woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
