Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
