He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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