this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
