all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
