Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
