I cockslap morals
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
