I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
