Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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