I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
That's when you crack a 10am beer
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
