You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
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I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Less talking, more tequila
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
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I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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