But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
