I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
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