$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
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