some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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