Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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