she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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