i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
