Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
