My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
