The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
