if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Randomize
