We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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