I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize