And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
