I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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