oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
