I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Are we still banned from the library?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Randomize
