you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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