i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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