The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
