A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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