I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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