he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
This is the high leading the old right now
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
