i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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