this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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