is your mom at the bar?
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
