ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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