So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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