covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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