i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Randomize
