We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
People in love make me want to vomit
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
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