Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
