I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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