giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
