FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
