a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
