Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
