Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
