Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Randomize
