I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
