Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
