Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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