Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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