I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
