you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
