you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
