Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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