you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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