I am spending my child support on dildos
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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