We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
