What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
