I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
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he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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