the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
MIDGETS
????
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Randomize
